Good Night Captain
by SapSorrow
Summary: All they're saying is "Goodnight" but it means a whole lot more. Set between the first film and "Into Darkness". Not a great deal of plot. Total Spirk. M Rated for graphic M/M loving. Now with added smut! o o
1. Chapter 1

**This is sort of a follow up to my story "Urges" that covers the events of the first film, but it also can be read on its own as it recaps all the relevant events of that fic. This is set between the first film and "Into Darkness". I will be doing a story after this that is a more direct sequel to "Urges", covering the time period of "Into darkness" and after it. That one will contain more actual plot. **

**This one is mostly just porn, not so much in this chapter but definitely in the next couple chapters. :-) Enjoy **

**Good Night Captain**

"Good night Captain"

"Good night Commander"

In the first few days on The Enterprise they settle into a routine that is both comfortable and somewhat disappointing. The friendliness of the first day has remained in a way and appears, on the surface at least to have settled into and affectionate amicableness. Spock has started to teach Kirk 3-dimensional chess and continues to be surprised at how close the human has come to beating him on more than one occasion. In return Kirk is, if not consciously, teaching him something of human interaction; especially the illogical tendency that humans seem to have of insulting the people they like the most. Having observed this in the captain and the doctor he understands that this is away in which humans demonstrate affection without the awkwardness that affection can otherwise bring. As such it is a new and surprisingly welcome thing to him to find he actually has genuine friends in these two, when really he has never had a genuine friend before now.

And yet.

Yet neither of them has forgotten the night before The Enterprise launched, when Spock came to Kirk to take what he had been wanting ever since their paths first crossed. There was little that they had not done. No instinct that the Vulcan had not given in to. No part of himself he had not laid bare and nothing from Kirk that he had not taken. The only difficulty being that they had not spoken of it since. At least not in words.

Yet it was there. There in every look – and the fact that they tried so hard to avoid each other's gaze only meant that they caught it more often and when they did it was harder than it should have been to look away. Spock had hoped that that night would purge these feelings and desires that were eating away at him – an expression he had never understood before but that he realised now was no mere metaphor as they were consuming him from the inside out. Somewhere along the way satisfying his lust had evolved into the far worse state of wanting the human entirely, body and soul, all of him to be his own. He hated the illogical melodrama of his own emotions but it felt as though this longing was killing him.

Certainly it was quite actively physically painful. Two days of the feeling and Spock lost the battle with himself about whether or not to go to the Ship's Chief Medical Officer about it. He eventually accosted the doctor in the med bay; awkwardly the captain had been there at the time, conversing with his friend.

"Doctor may I speak with you privately?"

The doctor had frowned –

"Is it a medical concern Mr Spock?"

"Indeed Doctor."

"Hey Spock – you okay?" the captain had interrupted, looking genuinely concerned, a fact that Spock merely found confusing at this time.

"Let us hope so captain – doctor if you would not mind?"

"Sure Spock – step this way."

In grateful privacy Spock had attempted to describe his symptoms –

"I am experiencing many symptoms of being intermittently physical compromised –"

"Intermittently Spock – what do you mean?"

"Just that these symptoms occur only when I am in the presence of – another crew member. I feel fluctuations of temperature combined with constrictions in the lower abdominal region –" - He indicated the location of the Vulcan heart – "also sometimes in the throat with dizziness and nausea and – doctor do you find this amusing?"

McCoy had looked rather like he was going to laugh.

"Spock if I didn't know better I would say those were all the symptoms of being in love."

Spock felt mortified –

"Would you say it is outwardly apparent doctor?"

"Don't worry Spock – your secret's safe with me and Lieutenant Uhura."

"But doctor - it is not –" He breaks off, realising that he should not have begun _this _sentence at all, but the doctor is looking at him quizzically and he struggles on – "It is not Lieutenant Uhura who provokes these symptoms."

Upsettingly the doctor looks delighted.

"Doctor I trust I have your complete confidentiality n this matter?"

McCoy glares at him – "Damnit Spock, I'm a doctor not a gossip girl!It'd be more than my job's worth!"

"You will not even tell –"

"No I will not! Now get out of here!"

Spock was only too happy to do so.

_x_

McCoy's diagnosis if anything worsens the problem. He comes to feel like simple words are conveying much more than they necessarily are and he agonises over every inflection in the captain's voice and worries that he moderates himself so hard it only makes his emotional instability more apparent. It seems to him, when they part ways at the end of every day that in that "Good night captain" Kirk can hear his every thought –

-_I remember everything, the touch of your skin, the taste of you. I remember how hard I fucked you and how you cried, I remember your eyes when you looked up at me and I thought that there was half a chance that you could love me. I remember everything we said in silence, our minds one and together. I remember holding you in your sleep and fighting back your nightmares. I remember the pain of leaving, how I never wanted to be out of your arms. I remember how you asked me to stay – I remember every moment and every time I look at you I re- live it all and wonder if you remember too or if it was just one more conquest you would rather forget –_

And here the thought breaks off painfully, Spock looks away and "Good night captain" is all that he says.

_x_

Kirk wonders what goes on beneath that cool Vulcan exterior. Wonders if Spock ever gives any thought to what passed between them that night and wonders how he has – apparently – managed to dismiss it with so much composure. He is troubled by the fact that _he _cannot, when it is never normally any trouble for him, and had just been confiding these concerns in Dr McCoy when Spock had – awkwardly – interrupted them.

"I don't know Bones" he had been saying – "Should I just give up hope or what?"

"It's probably for the best Jim – trying to emotionally engage a Vulcan is like trying to get blood out of a stone –"

Then Spock had come in. When he left again the doctor had come out and quietly patted Kirk on the shoulder –

"I revise my earlier statement Jim – don't give up hope just yet."

Kirk spends the next few days trying to get more out of the doctor but McCoy sticks tight to his oath and tells him nothing. Kirk finds himself hugely over – analysing everything his first officer says to him – from "Indeed captain" to "Thrusters on full" – in an attempt to get _something _he can work with. But the cool emotionless bastard gives him nothing. Finally the captain ends up over thinking his own emotional outpourings – wondering if he is making them as much as he thinks he is – wondering if Spock can tell that when he says "Good night commander" it contains a world of thoughts that he would like to convey –

-_I remember everything. The touch of your skin and the taste of you. I remember the noises you made and how you fucked me so hard and I loved it – Christ it was good! I remember how fucking amazing you felt inside me and how I'd never come so hard in my life. I remember how you looked at me and I wanted to die – your eyes were so hot and so hungry. I remember how you hurt me and I just wanted more. I remember how close it felt being mind – to – mind with you. I remember how you looked at me and I thought that there was half a chance that you could love me. I remember how safe I felt sleeping beside you, safer than I had ever been, even though you fucking raped me in my sleep and I liked _that _too. I remember never wanting you to leave and you did and it _hurt _and now I don't know if I'll ever get you back –_

And here the thought breaks off painfully, Kirk looks away and "Good night commander" is all that he says.

_x_

**I damaged my Spock and Kirk. I sorry. Promise to fix them in next chapter! :-) **


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

They carry on in this manner for several days, which is several days longer than either of them wants, both hoping that the other will crack first, both too stubborn to give in, both in agony with it.

On the eighth day Kirk stops being able to control his crankiness.

"It is your move captain" Spock says over chess, after he had waited ten minutes with Kirk staring apparently into space. Really Kirk had been staring at Spock's hand, laid innocuously on the table top –

_-Those hands on me, touching me, fireworks under the skin, bet he's forgotten, can't expect a Vulcan to ever give a shit – God I want to kiss them, lick his fingers, see him squirm, fucking pointy eared bastard –_

"Huh – what?" he starts.

"I was merely informing you that the next move is yours to make captain"

"Isn't it fucking always" snaps Kirk, moving his piece carelessly. Spock takes it with his instantly.

"I am not sure I understand your implication captain."

"Yeah I fucking bet you don't, Pointy."

"Neither can I see why you are getting personal and playing so poorly."

"You piss me off Spock, you know that?"

Spock frowns, not sure what there is to say to this, so instead says –

"It is your move again captain"

"Aargh!" growls Kirk – "It's always my fucking move! Why don't you make a goddamn move for a change huh?"

"I do not follow captain – I _have _made mine – now it is your turn."

"Haven't you _just _Spock?" Snarls Kirk, jumping up, knowing that he is behaving like an idiot but not able to stop himself – "You just take what you want and then forget all about it, leaving me to pick up the fucking pieces –"

He kicks out at the chessboard, sending it flying everywhere. It suddenly occurs to Spock that Kirk is no longer talking about chess and curses himself for his slowness in following metaphor. He opens his mouth to say something – unsure what exactly but possibly an apology – but Kirk charges straight on –

"Shut up Spock! If you tell me you don't understand one more time god help me I'll –"

He is shouting in Spock's face now, fists clenched. He is so emotional when he is angry Spock can almost feel the heat radiating from him and the lust and the passion he has been repressing so hard threaten to rise up and choke him –

"_You'll what – _Captain?" He almost hisses, voice icy, eyes narrowing. Kirk raises a fist to punch him in the face but Spock's reflexes are too quick for him, as grabs Kirk's wrist holding him in mid punch while the human struggles to break free, cursing all the while –

"Fuck you Spock you fucking smug bastard, fuck you to hell".

Spock presses his lips together so tightly it hurts, fighting the urge to just slam the human into the floor and fuck him senseless, not caring if he breaks him. The urge is so strong he can clearly see it occurring but only with the silent cruel clenching of his fingers around Kirk's wrist does he make his anger clear.

"You should leave my quarters now". He heaves the words out painfully and laboriously, not hiding the threat therein, and because of the contact between them he lets slip the thought –

_I remember the last time you spoke to me like that._

And Kirk thinks –

-_ Good god his eyes like black slits is he just really mad or hot for me? Cause god knows I'm both right now – also how do I leave when you won't let go my wrist jackass?_

Spock answers only his last question, throwing him back a little as he lets go, Kirk stumbling and glaring at him, holding his wrist and still refusing to leave.

"Get. Out." Spock spits through clenched teeth.

"Spock – can't we just –"

"We cannot -"

Spock turns his back on Kirk, not wanting to even look at him and wanting it too much, snarling through twisting lips – "_Good night Captain." _

Kirk slams his way out of the door so hard Spock is surprised that it does not break.

_x_

As the captain's cabin is only next door to his, Spock can hear as he stomps into his room, stomps across the floor and kick his shoes off angrily and into the wall before throwing himself onto his bed like a petulant teenager. Spock stays perfectly still, attempting to control his breathing and to quell the fire the human has set in him once again. Everything he tries, all the logic and meditation with which he has built such impenetrable walls around himself crumble into dust at the gentlest touch from this one person.

There are so many things that he should do, so many ways towards calm; but apparently Kirk affects him to the point of thinking like a human and he just thinks a fed up and frustrated _Fuck. This. Shit! _And storms straight round next door ringing on the buzzer before he can let himself stop himself. Kirk calls an irritable "Come in!" and buzzes the door open without even asking who it is. Even _this _makes Spock angry – Kirk is so _easy _with his personal space, how many others does he just let in like this? Does he make himself available to anyone who just wants a piece? The thought tips him from illogical into furious.

"You should be more discriminating as to you privacy Captain" he says, tersely, striding in. Kirk glares up from his recumbent position, swinging himself up so that he is sitting on the side of the bed, glowering at his First Officer from under those beautiful eyelashes.

"Gee thanks Spock, I'll bear that in mind" he sneers, oozing sarcasm – "It's so good to know you have my best interests at heart – now what do you want?"

"Maybe I should ask you the same question."

"Me? I just want to not be plagued by some crazy – ass Vulcan who nearly broke my fucking wrist – again – or is that too much to ask _commander?" _

Spock says nothing and Kirk rises to his feet in irritation –

"I should fucking report you for assault on a superior officer you know that?"

"For which occasion were you referring captain? –" he is surprised to find himself actually uttering the next thought aloud – "When I tried to kill you or when I _fucking raped you?"_

He hisses the last words out, hardly able to believe he is saying them. The human however, is clearly either impervious to threats or enjoys them –

"Oh you do remember that then Mr Spock? Cause I thought you'd just forgotten –" It is all Spock can do not to hit him.

"I remember _everything _Captain" he snarls, voice low and choked – " I remember every second and I cannot forget not lessen it with subsequent conquests as –"

"_Fuck _that Spock! _You _ran out on _me _and you've been giving me that fucking Vulcan …_face _ever since! So what if I try to forget when you so clearly don't give a shit? _You're _the one with the fucking girlfriend for fucks sake!"

Spock bites his lip almost hard enough to draw blood –

"Those two words are not compatible in the same sentence in relation to Lieutenant Uhura, Captain –"

"Huh? You mean – ohhh-" realisation dawning on the Captain's face – "You mean you guys never – ohhhh, well _shit _Spock!" and all of a sudden Kirk starts to giggle. Spock waits patiently for him to stop, his anger subsiding somewhat at the sight of the captain chuckling like a child. When he finally meets Kirk's eye he smiles every so fractionally. He reaches out a hand to turn the Captain's eyes to his own, cupping his face gently, effectively silencing his giggles but not the warmth in his eyes or in his voice when he says Spock's name with half a sigh and a silent _thank god _on the end of it. Spock silences him, brushing a thumb across his lips _those lips – fuck yes I remember –_

"You asked me what I wanted Captain –" he says, his voice the only part of him under any kind of control and even that falters, his eyes half closing beneath the weight of having to feel –

"I want _you. _I always have. I want you constantly. I want to fuck you, to touch you, to use you for my pleasure whenever I desire – I _need _you. Without this I am barely able to function. You think I feel nothing, believe me I feel _everything. _Every ounce of this lust of this – this feeling that I have for you pressing upon me until I fear I will break from it –"

He tries to pull away in pain and deep embarrassment but Kirk catches his hand, holding it in place, forcing him to look at him –

"Spock –" he strokes the Vulcan's cheek and Spock allows himself to be soothed by the surprisingly gently touch – "Spock I don't want you to break, I want what you want – also I have a habit of getting what I want and right now –"

_Captain – _Spock interjects, firmly in silence – _Shut up, _and he gives in, melting into the human, kissing him like he has wanted to since the first time. He has never quite understood human kissing before; it seemed messy and illogical, eliciting no response in him when Uhura had tried it. He wishes he had not just thought about Uhura, it reminds him that this is technically what humans call cheating. But it can't be can it? There had only ever been awkwardness with Uhura, this madness, this electricity between them, the mating dance of tongues and lips – this feels too right to be wrong. This feels like coming home and like the future all at once; as though to have ever had a moment's thought about anyone else had been an act of infidelity in waiting.

It occurs to him that the human probably does not share the half of his notions of fidelity and it makes him illogically desperate to possess him completely and make him his own. He takes Kirk's hand in his, palm to palm in Vulcan embrace, their fingers lacing together as though something is merely being fixed, melded into what it should always have been. He hears as it were an echo – _a friendship that will define you in ways you cannot yet imagine – _and he remembers that sense that the other him was so much more perfect than him, completed and fully formed and yet at the same time broken . It seems he can hear echoes of his current actions rippling through time and reality. He can almost feel the loss that the other Spock felt constantly like a rip down the centre and he wants terribly to fix this, to make it better for all of them –

-_What's to fix Spock, is something wrong? _Kirk thinks, hearing only half a thought through their interlocking fingers. They are not bonded and really, without Spock's choosing it the human should not hear his thoughts at all, but he does, at least a little and this only confirms what he was thinking, breaking off the kiss to shake his head, smiling faintly – _Echoes, infinite numbers of them in infinite realities, all of them one and together –_

_- Didn't quite get that Spock _ Kirk thinks – _but I get that you're thinking about infinite realities_ _when you should be thinking about the infinite possibilities of me._

Spock smiles a genuine smile atKirk's cocky arrogance, he feels it warm the human's heart. He can feel Kirk's heartbeat, feel his body so vibrant and hot against his own and _fuck _but he wants him immensely –

"It is somewhat the same thing" he says.

"Spock shut up and fuck me"

"Is that an order – Captain?"

"Any way you want it Commander –" he makes that _commander _sound absolutely filthy and when he squeezes Spock's hand he adds the thought – _I know you'll take it anyway._

"Indeed" – Spock almost purrs – _You're learning._

_x _

**Heh heh….yeah I left it there! :-P **

**Next part it gets really fun I promise, will post soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This section is pure filth Do not like – do not read. Do like – read and enjoy :-)**

**3.**

"Spock shut up and fuck me"

"Is that an order – Captain?"

"Any way you want it Commander –" he makes that _commander _sound absolutely filthy and when he squeezes Spock's hand he adds the thought – _I know you'll take it anyway._

"Indeed" – Spock almost purrs – _You're learning._

He nudges Kirk back onto the bed, removing his shirt in the same perfectly fluid gesture. He throws it to the floor with one hand, pushing Kirk down firmly with the other, his hands tingly madly to feel the smooth hardness of his chest beneath them. A slightly disappointed thought from the human –

_You could have just ripped it._

_- I've seen how quickly you get through shirts._

_You will do that again sometime though right?_

"Captain –" says Spock, sounding much more controlled than he feels – "There is nothing in this universe I do not intend to do to you, again and again. I will use you in whichever way I wish, whenever I desire it and the sooner you come to understand this the better. If you have any doubts about this please remember I am a Vulcan and we neither lie nor exaggerate."

Kirk swallows hard and the Vulcan delights in his desperate arousal. His already burning hard cock twitches to feel the human _absolutely dying of need _as he thinks, beneath him. He runs his hands over the human body intrigued by the complex combination of firmness and vulnerability, both in body and in mind.

_-Your thoughts – _He is not sure if it comes out as an instruction or a plea, he hopes for the former, fears the latter – _Give them to me. Give me them all, give me them freely._

_- Yes, _Kirk thinks – Yes, _Anything you want._

"I want all that you are Captain, mine always, but in the meantime I want to fuck you until you can no longer stand."

"Fuck…Spock…." he almost whines. Spock slaps him lightly and smirks to feel his petulant humiliation. He roughly, quickly removes Kirk's trousers, stroking his cock to torture rather than to please, eking out the litany of his thoughts in every wicked caress –

-_God please, yes, cannot bear it, yours always, just never stop touching me, god so good, no woman was ever – _

Spock removes his hand and hits him again, this time furiously –

"You will _not _think of anyone else when I am with you –" he snarls, livid, trembling with a fury born of pain at the very thought – "Not in any way unless you wish me to hurt you more than you can bear, do you understand me _Captain?" _

Kirk's eyes widen with fear and lust, simultaneously so excited by having angered the Vulcan that he cannot reply. Spock's hands close savagely round his throat, maddened at the lack of an instant response.

"_You. Are. Mine –" _he seethes – "_Mine. _Do not forget for one moment that I could kill you in an instant. I could hurt you until you wished I would and do not doubt that I _shall _if you remind me of any of your past conquests you filthy, disgusting _whore –"_

He spits I kirk's face and lets go of his neck and can feel how Kirk is relieved and overjoyed by both actions. He listens tolerantly to the barely articulate babble of apology Kirk utters, while removing his shirt at the same time.

"Enough" Spock snaps, finally – "You are _not _sorry. Not yet –" his lip curls cruelly – "But you will forget you ever touched anyone but me if I have to hurt you and fuck you every day and night for the rest of your life. You may signal that you understand."

Kirk nods, still struggling to regain his breath –

_- Yes I understand – fuck – fucking insane fucked up Vulcan – I understand and I don't know if it scares the shit out of me or makes me wanna come right now –_

"I accept your understanding" Spock says, with excessive condescension, taking off the rest of his clothes as he speaks – "I will even pardon the insubordination – this time."

"Insubordination?" Kirk splutters – "For fucks sake, who's captain here?"

Spock raises an eyebrow, closing in upon him once more, eyeing his neck intently in a way that makes Kirk think a loud stream of –

_-Oh fuuuck, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck – Please not the neck again –_

So Spock twists his hand into Kirk's hair and pulls hard enough to make him nearly cry at the same time as bucking his hips in frustration and need.

"I think you are well aware of who is in charge here _Jim" _Spock gloats, he gets back –

_Fuck, he called me Jim! About fucking time! But god damnit I'm the captain, I'm in control! Me! This is too much!_

"Sorry Jim, I didn't quite get that –" Spock adds a savage tug to the head that makes him want to laugh with delight.

_Fuck you Spock! I'm the fucking Captain! Ouch fuck that hurts god damnit!_

"_Who's _in control here?" Spock hisses, pulling Kirk's head back fiercely until he does start to cry –

"Okay!" he screams – "Okay! Jesus – _fuck you! _– You are I'm sorry you are damnit"

"_Good" _Spock spits, letting go, pressing his rock hard erection against the sobbing whimpering human, stroking his hair to ease the pain, letting Kirk know that he has finally given the right answer and that this pleases him.

_- Fucking pain, fucking evil sadistic - why do I even – god I want him, want to be his – I'm a wretched excuse for a life form – oh god what's wrong with me – want him to fuck me – need him to shove that fucking huge Vulcan cock in me – rip me to pieces –_

Spock smiles, unspeakably aroused by the human's desperate thoughts; he kisses him gently on the forehead, calming his tears –

_Yes – _he thinks to him, tenderly – _yes._

"I am going to fuck you now Jim" he informs him, partly to see the blazing lust roar in the human's eyes and partly because he is finding that he really likes to say _fuck. _It is so exquisitely illogical and primal. Kirk twists, ready to turn himself over but The Vulcan pulls him towards him by the ankles, brutally –

_No _he thinks, emphatically – _want you to look at me when I'm inside you._

He bends Kirk's legs back and guides his cock towards him –

_Spock please – _Kirk's thoughts whimper, trying to be humble and to not panic at the same time – _Can I please get some lube this time?_

Spock rolls his eyes, with all the tolerance he can muster –

_You did ask so nicely – you have ten seconds._

Kirk frantically stretches for the drawer by the bed, producing a small bottle and handing it to Spock so hopefully. Spock smiles graciously, pouring a little into his palms and preparing his cock with infuriating languor, both delicious and frustrating to both parties. He throws the bottle aside and pulls the human to him again, holding back as much as he can bear as he enters him, forcing himself not to just slam straight into him but impaling him inch by inch upon his swollen aching cock. Even so Kirk screams and screams to be so completely filled with something so monstrously large. His screams simply heighten the Vulcan's lust and he looses the last scraps of his control, slamming savagely into Kirk in a frenzy of need, stroking his sweat drenched face and thinking through the haze of ecstasy –

_Forgive me. Had to. Need you._

He roars an incoherent cry of pleasure as he buries himself in the object of his desire, pulling out almost all the way to slam back in again fast. He does this repeatedly, ramming into Kirk again and again, only the faintest concern left now that he is hurting him. The human squirms frantically to try and make it less painful, but Spock holds him in place hard, thrusting into him feverishly –

_This is what you wanted- _He snarls in silence – _when you wanted me this is what you wanted and this. Is. What. You. will. Get. _

He thrusts in hard, burning alive with how good it feels and soon enough he hears Kirk's whimpers turn to gasps, hears his thoughts change from pain to wain and pleasure and then to pure pleasure –

_- Fuck oh god please stop no more – I can't – oh god it hurts – hurts so good – god don't stop don't stop, god I'm so fucking hard –_

And a direct plea –

_- Spock please let me touch myself –_

Spock sends back his consent and the human's hands go straight to his suffering cock, barely completely wrapped around himself before he is coming furiously, screaming incoherently.

Spock continues to ram him violently as long as he can but the human's orgasm tips him into wild and uncontrolled release and he comes hard on his heels, deep inside him, growling sounds he did not know were in him, shuddering out the last of his need and desperation into Kirk's body before collapsing onto him, groaning softly, their bodies sliding together, heaving and satisfied.

At least for now.

_x_

**More to follow….**

**;-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Snuggles, arguing and Vulcan finger sex! :-) **

**4.**

"Spock?" Kirk says dreamily, resting his head on the Vulcan's chest, Spock resting a gentle, possessive hand on his head.

"Mmm?"

"Next time don't keep me waiting so long, will you?"

"Captain," Spock says patiently "What part of "Every night and every day" did you not pay attention to?"

Kirk wriggles a little, happily, positively purring –

"But I kinda figured it was a figure of speech."

"I am a Vulcan Captain, we do not make –"

"-figures of speech, yeah yeah I get it."

"We also do mean everything we say even in intimate situations" Spock adds a little pointedly. He frowns to himself and Kirk feels him stiffen with faint anger and awkwardness.

"S'up Spock?"

Spock's chest tightens and he takes a deep breath –

"Captain you are irritating and illogical and I am not wholly convinced that you are even a likeable, certainly not a trustworthy individual –"

"Gee thanks Spock" huffs Kirk, rolling over in annoyance – "I should have known you'd suck at sweet nothings. You sure do know how to stroke a guy's ego."

Spock takes Kirk's shoulder and rolls him back over impatiently, positioning himself over the human once more and pinning his wrists down hard.

"You _will _hear me." He snaps – "I have no intention of stroking your already over inflated ego, nor is what I have to say to you "Nothing" even by your standards. It is illogical and doubtless both foolish and self destructive of me but I am bound to tell you that I find myself in love with you –"

He does not know what to say after that and realises he is trembling too much to continue, so he lets go of Kirk and falls onto his back, not looking at him. It is Kirk's turn to roll over to face Spock –

"Spock –" he frowns, choosing his words with unusual care – "Why is this such a terrible thing? Am I really so bad?"

Spock sighs –

"No – but "

"But what?"

He cannot say it out loud; it's pathetic and makes him sound so fucking weak; so he takes Kirk's hand and transfers the thought instead –

-_But I calculate an overly high probability that you will break my heart._

He closes his eyes, feeling crushed with shame and defeat. When he opens them again he sees such sadness in the blue eyes that he feels like an absolute bastard for causing it, even if he would not retract the thought.

_-Do you think so little of me?_

_It is not….personal Captain, I am merely judging by your past - behaviours –_

_-That _is _a bit fucking personal Commander!_

_Forgive me. I have struggled to control my feelings in this matter but – _

_- Gotta say, that doesn't seem to be going to well._

Strange, how much this silent communication soothes Spock's mind, however illogical the human's thoughts are, touching them makes him feel somehow more complete, as though he has always belonged in his mind.

_Indeed – _he feels distressed – _Captain you do compromise me greatly, perhaps it would be better if I were to – _

_- Don't even think it Mr Spock! You're not going anywhere! And you're not the only one who's fucking compromised –_

_I asked your forgiveness – I – I'm scared Jim – help me not to be –_

He feels a wash of panic, the magnitude of his feelings and the fear of their implications threatening to drag him under, but Kirk is their like a rope to a drowning man -

_- Hey Spock – Spock it's okay. I said I didn't want to break you and I said I get what I want, didn't I? _

_That is not – not – Jim I must ask you to stop that –_

Kirk has taken the Vulcan's hand in his, fingers twisting together on the pillow between them. He starts slowly kissing Spock's fingers while stroking his palm in circles with his thumb, looking up at him with large beautiful eyes that make Spock feel he might melt –

_Captain – you must not – fuck – Jim stop – this – this – greatly damages my cognitive functions – _

The Captain laughs silently, with those adorable sparkling eyes and it shatters Spock's rational mind to the winds; he grips Kirk's hip with his free hand, dragging him close to feel his body tight against him. He can hear him breathe, feel his cock twitching to life once more and he takes it in his hand, stroking hard, smiling to hear the human gasp as he takes two of his fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking them like he would a cock. Spock feels the arousal tingling electrically in his chest, spreading outwards until his whole body is reeling with it – the pleasure almost too intense to bear. He twists and writhes with it, frantically pressing his erection into Kirk's spare hand, at the same time screaming a silent entreaty for him to stop – an entreaty they both know he does not mean –

-_Please – fuck no – please please – you do not know what you are doing –_

_-Gotta disagree with you there Spock _Kirk thinks back, and Spock can hear the mischief in his thoughts –_See, I've been doing my research into this kind of thing –_

It takes all of Spock's remaining mental faculties to reply –

_What – kind of thing – exactly?_

_- Vulcan mating rituals – _Kirk shrugs back – _I heard the fingers were like this huge erogenous zone – been waiting to test the theory –_

Spock groans aloud as Kirk caresses his wrist, taking his fingers all the way into his throat. His brain swirls, legs turning to water, moaning uncontrollably, choking out the thought –

_How are your….investigations proceeding? _

In reply Kirk just grins and takes firm hold of his cock, squeezing and stroking it to the point of madness as his mouth does the same to the Vulcan's fingers and Spock cries aloud as the orgasm begins in his palms, as though all of his energy is flashing out from his hands, bursting through his fingertips and spreading throughout his body, down into his cock, thrusting urgently into Kirk's hand, coming into it seconds before the human comes into his, releasing Spock's sensitive fingers as he opens his mouth to moan.

They fall backwards into the bed, hands sticky, sweaty and clasped together. When Spock can finally speak he says simply –

"Fascinating."

He turns his head to look at Kirk who is smiling at him like a child with a treat –

"But it does not _fully _answer my concerns."

"Aww fuck you Spock" says Kirk amiably.

"I do not think that will be entirely necessary at this time" Spock says, starting to yawn. They both smile, neither knowing that they do so in perfect unison and they kiss now ever so gently.

Spock feels a perfect wave of restfulness fall over him in which sleep is not far behind and which promises to be more than usually untroubled. There is really only one thing left to say –

"Good night captain" Spock says, this time with nothing hidden inside, unsaid. Kirk smiles and replies with the same –

"Good night commander."

_x_

**Nearly finished now! Just one short section to follow! **


	5. Epilogue

**Short epilogue, light and somewhat fluffy like a tasty dessert….**

**Epilogue**

Spock wakes from a truly restful sleep, the warm heavy weight of Kirk's head nuzzling into his shoulder. Intriguing. He is so afraid of any display of sentiment or of a making a real display of closeness but then he is so trusting and tactile in his sleep. It is a mystery. _He _is still a mystery. It should feel awful to a Vulcan, having someone so very close, finding himself pinned beneath the arm that has wound around him. But it does not feel awful at all.

Almost smiling, he squirms gently out from beneath Kirk's arm, sitting up and looking at the Captain in his sleep. His arm flails, his hand clutching and he mumbles something that sounds a little like "No….don't go….". His sleeping face is like that of a beautiful child and his hair is in adorable disarray. Spock feels that familiar stab of pain in the heart that he is coming to associate with loving this human. Learning to live with this is going to make mastery of his emotions so much harder than it has ever been.

Kirk's lips fall into a natural pout in his sleep and he seems to radiate a beautiful golden energy that makes Spock both want him badly and want to be near him always. The Captain, so arrogant and certain in his command, so very fiery and capable – here vulnerable as a little boy, soft and almost innocent – almost. It touches Spock's heart with a tenderness that is close to being unendurable. Except that he knows he will endure it, however painful, as there is nothing else to be done.

He watches Kirk's eyelashes flutter and his eyes open slowly. There is truly a whole universe he could explore in those eyes, but he looks away quickly, hoping the human will never know that he was watching.

"Hey…" Kirk says, sleepily, smiling –

"Don't run out on me this time 'k?"

Spock raises an eyebrow, a gesture Kirk is coming to realise almost passes for a smile.

"Captain, may I suggest that any "Running out" we do together."

Kirk chuckles and places a hand on Spock's arm to convey the image of the both of them running naked from the captain's quarters, hand in hand down the corridor, grinning like loons.

"Most amusing captain" Spock says tolerantly – "But I was actually referring to the fact that we are both due on the bridge in precisely 41.22 minutes."

"Spock you ruin my whole life."

Spock's forehead crumples in consternation.

"Joke, Spock - sheesh, get used to it."

"But – it was not humorous captain."

"tell you what, you deal with my jokes not being funny and I'll deal with you being a pain in the ass, okay?"

"But captain I am no longer in your –"

"Can it Spock. Let me explain figures of speech to you one day – having said that – _owch._"

"I am… sorry? – Captain."

"Don't be. Just promise you'll do it again. And – Spock –"

Kirk's voice goes serious again, almost nervous and a little afraid, and he turns big eyes on Spock, that the Vulcan could not resist, no matter what he was to ask – "Promise you won't ignore me again?"

"Captain, as your first Officer it would be difficult, indeed insubordinate to ignore you completely."

"Spock you're pissing me off already, you know what I mean."

"Captain is it sufficient to inform you that I will be here waiting for you when you get off shift later today?"

Kirk gulps in delighted anticipation but manages to say, only half smirking –

"Thank you Commander, that will be adequate."

He gets out of bed, goes two steps and promptly slips and falls on his ass. He yells and picks up the small bottle he just stepped on – that had been discarded there the night before. The Vulcan makes a genuine smirk this time –

"I feel I must remind you that you were the one who asked for lube".

He gets out of bed with an almost boastful ease and grace, pretending to completely ignore the Captain's wails of "Jesus Christ! My ass!"

He would be making those cries again later.

_x_

**Fin. :-) **


End file.
